Eyewitness Says Tall Figure Spotted Near Hanes House Of Hope, Immediately Changes Subject To Ice Cream

Local man claims “something the height of a motivational lamppost” passed by the church before heading south toward Hebron.

South Granville — At approximately 8:15 p.m. Tuesday, a driver reported seeing a “massively tall pedestrian” walking south on County Road 28, briefly pausing near the Hanes House of Hope before continuing toward Hebron.

“It was big. Taller than me. Taller than anyone I’ve seen, except maybe that one inflatable tube man at Stewart’s,” the driver said. “Speaking of Stewart’s, they really need to do something about these ice cream prices. It’s outrageous.”

When pressed for more detail about the figure, the witness insisted the conversation “should really stay on the topic of ice cream,” adding that waffle cones “are basically luxury housing for dairy and should be priced accordingly.”

Authorities have not confirmed the sighting but advised residents that dusk walks should include reflective gear, particularly if you are over seven feet tall and fond of detours near churches.