Self-Proclaimed Descendant Of The “Witch Of Saratoga” Offers Free Readings In Congress Park, Accepts Payment In River Stones And Unscented Candles

Tourists delighted; locals unfazed. “We’ve had weirder Tuesdays,” says man on a bench who may or may not be eating a horse track pretzel.

Saratoga Springs — A woman identifying herself as “a fully licensed descendant of the Witch of Saratoga” set up a folding table near the duck pond Tuesday, offering free three-card readings in exchange for river stones, unscented candles, or “respectful gossip.”

“I don’t do curses,” she said, lighting a tea candle that immediately went out in the breeze as if by legal advice. “I do scheduling. People are asking if now is a good time to plant shade trees or buy concert tickets. The cards say yes, provided you hydrate.”

Security at the nearby Canfield Casino reported zero issues beyond “a polite increase in vibes.” The woman accepted several flat stones, an envelope of exact change, and one monogrammed golf tee “for future triangulations.” When asked about a towering figure seen after dusk, she shuffled briskly, pulled the Tower card, and frowned at its sense of humor.

“If a very tall shopper is adjusting price tags at night, that’s between him and supply-side ethics,” she said. “But fall is the best time to plant. The cards align with the Cooperative Extension on this one.”

City officials declined to regulate the pop-up, citing Saratoga’s longstanding tolerance for both horses and harmless witchcraft. Ducks requested bread in writing.